Tuesday, July 1st, 2008
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6:06 pm - She cries spiders
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She cries spiders
Unlike the girls who traded love for silence
Her curses always worth their weight in gold
Tears bite poisoned
Her strength to never be in tower prisoned
A sorrow web spun silken
A mother's terror
Born both eyes arachnid weeping
A leggy crowd accompanying her wail
It tugs the heart strings
The world does strain to not displease her
Yet when she cries she always cries alone
And who would hold her?
Dress a capture net, terrible, untearable
Though she looks so lovely
When the morning dew catches
In her dress and on her cobwebbed cheeks
Dew and spider tears mingle in the dawn.
current mood:  accomplished
current music: Far From Me - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
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Saturday, September 30th, 2006
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10:40 am - State of Fear
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I dreamed last night that you were he
Your faces melded awkwardly
I reamed last night a dream of me
That made me fall
Straight to my knees.
On your KNEES. Get on your KNEES.
I forget sometimes that we’re at war
So sue me, it just slips my mind.
I forget to cry out (CRY OUT CRY OUT)
That we have to get out (LET’S GET OUT GET OUT)
That this place will smash my face
Shove it’s self straight down my throat
If we don’t build a wall we’ll be the first to go down
No one wants to get knocked down
We’re all out there
Knocking each other up
Knocking the weak ones around
All over this town
They think this is their town
You play buy their rules
Or they take you downtown
You keep your mouth shut
Or they take you down
I’m afraid of being RAPED by the POLICE.
I’m afraid of being eaten alive by my anorexic classmates.
I’m afraid she’ll never speak to me again.
I’m afraid I’ll die alone without a friend
I’m afraid I’m just not good enough for you.
I’m afraid that there is nothing I can do.
current mood:  sick
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Tuesday, March 14th, 2006
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10:14 pm - Two Trees
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My lover, my heart
It is also your heart
Like two trees grown
So close they form one
With two souls reaching
Upwards to touch the rain
Our roots tangled
Like my hair, your hair
Fanning over my breast
Like subtle veins
In leaves, blood in veins
Neither mine nor yours
Ours, undivided, divine
Yes, go read some Pablo Neruda ( http://www.poemhunter.com/pablo-neruda/poet-6638/ ). As in now.
current music: We Have A Map Of The Piano - MuM
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10:10 pm - Comparison
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We women,
We're like cats
We sly subtle hunters
We learn to lie in wait
For the precious things
We learn the art of timing
current mood:  rushed
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Wednesday, February 15th, 2006
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7:21 pm - Moral Compass
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I'm lonely as hell
Pig platter
Brain splatter
ha ha ha ha ha
You lose, I win
Spin again
I know that sensation
Of good company
Pain like a swift
Kick in the knee
In the eye! In the heart!
I'm falling apart!
Do you know the solution?
Key to true absolution
Live in a mud hut
With my mouth shut
I'll make nothing of you
Make myself love you
I already do
Don't leave!
I believe!
And I'll pray on bent knee
I'll sing your hymns so soft
And tearfully
I lack integrity
But at least I mean well
I'm halfway to hell
My tank is full of
Good intentions
Clever inventions
And useless pretension
Till I'm running on empty
And spite
And what's right
Is so far out of sight
That I've only got my own
Poor sense of direction
But my moral fiber is strong
Though you may find it wrong
That my own compass guides me
And the whole world's inside me
Just look down my throat.
current mood: have to peeeeeee
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Sunday, November 13th, 2005
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9:36 pm - Little Ghosts
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Speculation
Has lead me to believe that you
Find me grating
I get ignored
With such force until peace
By piece I slowly disappear
Disrobe and once again
Disappoint you
Even in the safest place
All sweetness is cut
With poisons
Too terrible to name
And I’m afraid it won’t be long
Until I’ve made the ghosts
Twice as real as me
I’m running out
The door
Out of excuses lapping against my toes
Sickly warm and reeking orange
Like something I shouldn’t have eaten
I am fragile fold up origami
Paper wings
Crushed underneath the blue
Photo booth time capsules left behind to attest
To my existence
Polaroid tombstones with their stoic marble angels
Under which dusty bones hold no tongues to tell stories
Of children with screaming insecurities
Who clutch themselves
And weep
Calling out from the dark third story windows
In those derelict houses
With no doors
Smoke from the bonfire of broken toys and furniture
Is already filling your lungs
All that’s left to do is jump
current mood:  geeky
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Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
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5:56 pm - Koi pond at dawn
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When the morning came
It brought no warmth
Only shrill birds
Singing like your voice
Overwrought and apologetic
Your sorrow was maddening
To look upon, but
worse still, I think
To feel
Girls! Look what you're doing!
You let the wolf in the back door
I thought you would have known better
Then to let me find
Your milky moon eyes
Staring out of a koi pond
Were it possible
I would kiss pink your blue lips
Were it plausible
I would give your frigid fingers
My own warmth
It's too late even to shiver
You're too far gone to whimper
Your lungs are full of water
And I cannot help
But wonder
How much of it's my fault
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5:55 pm - Self-Harm
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You look exhausted
Dear
Have you been eating well?
Open your mouth
And let the secret wriggle in
Flies and centipedes
Too many legs and wings
We'll cut them out
The well worn path
And snag
Blooming bruise is a ruse
And your mother suspects
Never meant to hurt
Anyone but one's self
Always had the best
Intentions
But you threw yourself down
The stairs yesterday
Split lips, got your
heart broke on purpose
let's pour some salt and lemon in
Your eyes bleed saline
But they still stare vapid at
Stunning white noise from holiest sources
I heard about
The knot you're tying
No one knew it was
A noose
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5:44 pm - Puke (journal poem)
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Puke
I'm angry
Knock twice
If you're hurting
I lied
I don't miss you
Pick
The scab
Dirt
On your fingers
Rot
Like Roadkill
Kill
The lights
I'm dumb (I need you)
I'm done (I hate you)
I'm dying
current mood:  blah
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Thursday, October 13th, 2005
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11:23 pm - Alchemy
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What you give me
Is golden
Though you see only lead in your hands
You smooth honey over me
To soften my jagged discontentment
And sooth my tantrums
Your caressing hands calm me
The wild-eyed fury I cradle
The indignation of the unavenged
Is lost in the softness of your touch
Sweet murmurs of shadows
Grown long and languid
As your heart brushes your ribs
Pressing up against them obscenely
To send electric shivers through your veins
It is found in filth
But we have made it pure
Made it shining
Like dew on delicate spider silk
The taste of sweat on your skin
I am filled with such tension and trembling
You could play me like an instrument
Oh what music we’d make
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11:20 pm - Found
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I wish I was
pretty or original, it hurts more
he wouldn't be glad to see me in the morning...
I kissed you: what a silly boy
He ruins my life
I try not to think to much about it.
she's real and there's nothing I can do about it.
I've felt sick all day, I think to much about it.
ghost
run away to south america
Never: you can never find it
I had a heart attack and died
In another dream
he's better pulling the strings
I am wrong, I have been wrong
mutual mental masturbation (Deliberate deceptiveness in behavior or speech)
the metal mask that hides their eyes and keeps the blood from spilling
I find myself lacking in words
current music: No Suprises - Radiohead
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11:20 pm - Karma's a Bitch
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I burn the feathers that fall out of place
And their ashes get smeared on your face
While her skeleton’s chained to your bed
She took so long to realize she’s dead
Foul maggots will sully your sheets
And fair witches will burn in the streets
Send them screaming into the wastelands
At least they’re out of the reach of your hands
Monster I could be cut by your smile
Your cruel words leave me choking on bile
You left stains where you touched me before
But you won’t make me into your whore
You have dirtied the white wings of angels
Left traps meant to break bruise and strangle
But don’t gloat yet, so safe and so sound
For what goes around will soon come around
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11:18 pm - Endless Repetition
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Can’t stop tonguing the wound in my cheek
Spent the day in useless chatter
Vague circles, curlicues meant to entice you
Cast a mask from your face and wore it to seduce you
Wore the glass slippers and tried to emulate her
Or at least to gain some notion of her power
What makes her real
What makes her twirl and burn like some magnificent angel in your mind’s eye
Then
I lay naked on a dirt floor bound with ropes of pearls
And laughed as the rats made nests in my hair.
current mood: bored
current music: Every little thing- Dishwalla
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Saturday, October 8th, 2005
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11:22 pm - I promise
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You find comfort in your prison
The nights you sleep you dream you'll fly
You weave a net of lies to catch you
While sirens sing you lullabies
A blind man's gaze can hold his kingdom
My boy-prince loves his crown
Lord of your burning tower
I'm the one who'll pull you down
You cannot brave your mind alone
And you can't forever hide
I'm not afraid, I'll keep you safe
If you'll just let me inside
Don't encase your heart in iron
Too cold for faerie hand to touch
Salt your wounds, drink poison
I will still love you as much
Your tin soldier army falls before me
I embrace them 'till they're still
Your walls fall soft as feathers
If you need me to make you wings I will
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11:21 pm - Two Face
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As one hand claps
The other slaps
The two faced grin
One mouth is telling
And one mouth is holding it in
The left’s teeth are sharp
The right’s words are sweet
The left knows the steps
Right has two left feet
One face winks
The other just blatantly stares
One mind thinks
The other sits back and despairs
She means you well
If she could she’d take all that you’ve got
Yet still you see
She adores you more likely than not
current music: One by one all day - The Shins
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11:19 pm - Flying Fish
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Sing me
Swing me
Sweep me
Off my feet
Meet me
By the beach
Practice
What you teach
See me
Sweetly
Singing
Stars form bars to hold us in
I will infiltrate your skin
Mix our blood and relish sin
Sleep on clouds of spun poison
Wake and do it all again
Rock
The cradle (wake the baby)
Talk
Like whir-click-whir
Rock
On waves
The spray
Settles salty on my face
I close my eyes
It’s you I taste
I’m swimming in-between
Blue-grey and endless dreams
No more rag dolls
Worn at the seams
Just whale songs
And fish with wings.
current mood: accomplished
current music: Machine Head - Bush
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Wednesday, September 14th, 2005
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4:44 pm - Helen of Troy
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Send me all of your armies
And tell me to see
Your cacophonous whispers
Such sweet heresy
I fear all of your soldiers
May soon mutiny
Unless you move mountains
Or part the Red Sea
From out of a death mask
Blind milky eyes stare
Sour tongue speaks in babble
And he’s strapped to the chair
You hear his flesh sizzling
You smell the singed hair
Then you realize you’re dreaming
And it’s you who’s bound there
Decipher the encryption
Hateful Eros has sent
Spinning straw into gold
Is time far better spent
Empty shell of clawed cancer
All broken and bent
A thousand swords beat desire
Yet they left not one dent
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4:43 pm - Lover's Spat
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Take what you need
And I will give
As good as I get
You can dish it out
But I won’t take it
Not while you’re howling
And clawing at the moon
To draw the lunatic blood
Down from the sky
Would require a blade
Sharper than your tongue
Which speaks slick innuendo
Until you no longer know me
And scraping the barrel
Of my impatience
Strains the razor wire
That binds us here
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4:41 pm - Nothing Better
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Mind over matter
A shotgun head splatter
My insecurities grow fatter
For I keep them well fed
And they fill me with dread
Like a corpse in your bed
Beat me shitless
Or fuck me witless
Please leave me with this
You kick start the beast
I lay down the feast
Turn your face to the east
You’ll see just how this started
With our dearly departed
Queen of the fainthearted
Your teeth marked my dream
Shedding tears of the obscene
We won’t let them be seen
I will guard them well
I’ll see you in hell
Not one soul will I tell
current mood:  calm
current music: continued coffee shop music
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4:38 pm - Misderected Affection
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I’ll drop what names I feel are right
To get inside your head
I will, I won’t, I maybe might
I wish that I were dead
The demon Want, he follows me
I know his face so well
His skin it reeks of sour milk
So sickly sweet a smell
I seek your razor clear sky eyes
I miss your thieving hands
Your voice I cannot recognize
This ache I cannot stand
I wrap myself in velvet chains
I swallow broken glass
There’s much to lose, just you to gain
I wait for this to pass
The wind it sings a hallow wail
Drowns out my bitter thoughts
A carbonated dream for sale
I’ve earned all that I’ve bought
current mood: calm
current music: Coffee shop tunes
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