Chronic Escapist

She cries spiders

2008-07-02T01:13:29Z

She cries spiders
Unlike the girls who traded love for silence
Her curses always worth their weight in gold
Tears bite poisoned
Her strength to never be in tower prisoned
A sorrow web spun silken
A mother's terror
Born both eyes arachnid weeping
A leggy crowd accompanying her wail
It tugs the heart strings
The world does strain to not displease her
Yet when she cries she always cries alone
And who would hold her?
Dress a capture net, terrible, untearable
Though she looks so lovely
When the morning dew catches
In her dress and on her cobwebbed cheeks
Dew and spider tears mingle in the dawn.

State of Fear

2006-09-30T17:34:09Z

I dreamed last night that you were he
Your faces melded awkwardly
I reamed last night a dream of me
That made me fall
Straight to my knees.

On your KNEES. Get on your KNEES.

I forget sometimes that we’re at war
So sue me, it just slips my mind.
I forget to cry out (CRY OUT CRY OUT)
That we have to get out (LET’S GET OUT GET OUT)
That this place will smash my face
Shove it’s self straight down my throat

If we don’t build a wall we’ll be the first to go down
No one wants to get knocked down
We’re all out there
Knocking each other up
Knocking the weak ones around
All over this town

They think this is their town
You play buy their rules
Or they take you downtown
You keep your mouth shut
Or they take you down

I’m afraid of being RAPED by the POLICE.
I’m afraid of being eaten alive by my anorexic classmates.

I’m afraid she’ll never speak to me again.
I’m afraid I’ll die alone without a friend
I’m afraid I’m just not good enough for you.
I’m afraid that there is nothing I can do.

Two Trees

2006-03-15T06:20:24Z

My lover, my heart
It is also your heart
Like two trees grown
So close they form one
With two souls reaching
Upwards to touch the rain
Our roots tangled
Like my hair, your hair
Fanning over my breast
Like subtle veins
In leaves, blood in veins
Neither mine nor yours
Ours, undivided, divine

Yes, go read some Pablo Neruda ( http://www.poemhunter.com/pablo-neruda/poet-6638/ ). As in now.

Comparison

2006-03-15T06:13:02Z

We women,
We're like cats
We sly subtle hunters
We learn to lie in wait
For the precious things
We learn the art of timing

Moral Compass

2006-02-16T03:22:03Z

I'm lonely as hell
Pig platter
Brain splatter
ha ha ha ha ha
You lose, I win
Spin again
I know that sensation
Of good company
Pain like a swift
Kick in the knee
In the eye! In the heart!
I'm falling apart!
Do you know the solution?
Key to true absolution
Live in a mud hut
With my mouth shut
I'll make nothing of you
Make myself love you
I already do
Don't leave!
I believe!
And I'll pray on bent knee
I'll sing your hymns so soft
And tearfully
I lack integrity
But at least I mean well
I'm halfway to hell
My tank is full of
Good intentions
Clever inventions
And useless pretension
Till I'm running on empty
And spite
And what's right
Is so far out of sight
That I've only got my own
Poor sense of direction
But my moral fiber is strong
Though you may find it wrong
That my own compass guides me
And the whole world's inside me
Just look down my throat.

Little Ghosts

2005-11-14T05:37:17Z

Speculation
Has lead me to believe that you
Find me grating
I get ignored
With such force until peace
By piece I slowly disappear
Disrobe and once again
Disappoint you
Even in the safest place
All sweetness is cut
With poisons
Too terrible to name
And I’m afraid it won’t be long
Until I’ve made the ghosts
Twice as real as me
I’m running out
The door
Out of excuses lapping against my toes
Sickly warm and reeking orange
Like something I shouldn’t have eaten
I am fragile fold up origami
Paper wings
Crushed underneath the blue
Photo booth time capsules left behind to attest
To my existence
Polaroid tombstones with their stoic marble angels
Under which dusty bones hold no tongues to tell stories
Of children with screaming insecurities
Who clutch themselves
And weep
Calling out from the dark third story windows
In those derelict houses
With no doors
Smoke from the bonfire of broken toys and furniture
Is already filling your lungs
All that’s left to do is jump

Koi pond at dawn

2005-10-24T01:03:54Z

When the morning came
It brought no warmth
Only shrill birds
Singing like your voice
Overwrought and apologetic

Your sorrow was maddening
To look upon, but
worse still, I think
To feel

Girls! Look what you're doing!
You let the wolf in the back door
I thought you would have known better
Then to let me find
Your milky moon eyes
Staring out of a koi pond

Were it possible
I would kiss pink your blue lips
Were it plausible
I would give your frigid fingers
My own warmth

It's too late even to shiver
You're too far gone to whimper
Your lungs are full of water
And I cannot help
But wonder
How much of it's my fault

Self-Harm

2005-10-24T00:56:02Z

You look exhausted
Dear
Have you been eating well?
Open your mouth
And let the secret wriggle in
Flies and centipedes
Too many legs and wings
We'll cut them out

The well worn path
And snag
Blooming bruise is a ruse
And your mother suspects
Never meant to hurt
Anyone but one's self

Always had the best
Intentions
But you threw yourself down
The stairs yesterday

Split lips, got your
heart broke on purpose
let's pour some salt and lemon in

Your eyes bleed saline
But they still stare vapid at
Stunning white noise from holiest sources
I heard about
The knot you're tying
No one knew it was
A noose

Puke (journal poem)

2005-10-24T00:48:02Z

Puke
I'm angry
Knock twice
If you're hurting
I lied
I don't miss you
Pick
The scab
Dirt
On your fingers
Rot
Like Roadkill
Kill
The lights
I'm dumb (I need you)
I'm done (I hate you)
I'm dying

Alchemy

2005-10-14T04:23:56Z

What you give me
Is golden
Though you see only lead in your hands
You smooth honey over me
To soften my jagged discontentment
And sooth my tantrums
Your caressing hands calm me
The wild-eyed fury I cradle
The indignation of the unavenged
Is lost in the softness of your touch
Sweet murmurs of shadows
Grown long and languid
As your heart brushes your ribs
Pressing up against them obscenely
To send electric shivers through your veins
It is found in filth
But we have made it pure
Made it shining
Like dew on delicate spider silk
The taste of sweat on your skin
I am filled with such tension and trembling
You could play me like an instrument
Oh what music we’d make

Found

2005-10-14T04:21:26Z

I wish I was
pretty or original, it hurts more
he wouldn't be glad to see me in the morning...
I kissed you: what a silly boy

He ruins my life

I try not to think to much about it.
she's real and there's nothing I can do about it.
I've felt sick all day, I think to much about it.

ghost
run away to south america
Never: you can never find it
I had a heart attack and died

In another dream
he's better pulling the strings
I am wrong, I have been wrong
mutual mental masturbation (Deliberate deceptiveness in behavior or speech)
the metal mask that hides their eyes and keeps the blood from spilling
I find myself lacking in words

Karma's a Bitch

2005-10-14T04:20:37Z

I burn the feathers that fall out of place

And their ashes get smeared on your face

While her skeleton’s chained to your bed

She took so long to realize she’s dead

Foul maggots will sully your sheets

And fair witches will burn in the streets

Send them screaming into the wastelands

At least they’re out of the reach of your hands

Monster I could be cut by your smile

Your cruel words leave me choking on bile

You left stains where you touched me before

But you won’t make me into your whore

You have dirtied the white wings of angels

Left traps meant to break bruise and strangle

But don’t gloat yet, so safe and so sound

For what goes around will soon come around

Endless Repetition

2005-10-14T04:19:30Z

Can’t stop tonguing the wound in my cheek
Spent the day in useless chatter
Vague circles, curlicues meant to entice you
Cast a mask from your face and wore it to seduce you
Wore the glass slippers and tried to emulate her
Or at least to gain some notion of her power
What makes her real
What makes her twirl and burn like some magnificent angel in your mind’s eye

Then

I lay naked on a dirt floor bound with ropes of pearls
And laughed as the rats made nests in my hair.

I promise

2005-10-09T04:23:03Z

You find comfort in your prison
The nights you sleep you dream you'll fly
You weave a net of lies to catch you
While sirens sing you lullabies

A blind man's gaze can hold his kingdom
My boy-prince loves his crown
Lord of your burning tower
I'm the one who'll pull you down

You cannot brave your mind alone
And you can't forever hide
I'm not afraid, I'll keep you safe
If you'll just let me inside

Don't encase your heart in iron
Too cold for faerie hand to touch
Salt your wounds, drink poison
I will still love you as much

Your tin soldier army falls before me
I embrace them 'till they're still
Your walls fall soft as feathers
If you need me to make you wings I will

Two Face

2005-10-09T04:22:34Z

As one hand claps

The other slaps

The two faced grin

One mouth is telling

And one mouth is holding it in

The left’s teeth are sharp

The right’s words are sweet

The left knows the steps

Right has two left feet

One face winks

The other just blatantly stares

One mind thinks

The other sits back and despairs

She means you well

If she could she’d take all that you’ve got

Yet still you see

She adores you more likely than not

Flying Fish

2005-10-09T04:20:41Z

Sing me
Swing me
Sweep me
Off my feet
Meet me
By the beach
Practice
What you teach
See me
Sweetly
Singing
Stars form bars to hold us in
I will infiltrate your skin
Mix our blood and relish sin
Sleep on clouds of spun poison
Wake and do it all again
Rock
The cradle (wake the baby)
Talk
Like whir-click-whir
Rock
On waves
The spray
Settles salty on my face
I close my eyes
It’s you I taste
I’m swimming in-between
Blue-grey and endless dreams
No more rag dolls
Worn at the seams
Just whale songs
And fish with wings.

Helen of Troy

2005-09-14T23:45:32Z

Send me all of your armies
And tell me to see
Your cacophonous whispers
Such sweet heresy
I fear all of your soldiers
May soon mutiny
Unless you move mountains
Or part the Red Sea

From out of a death mask
Blind milky eyes stare
Sour tongue speaks in babble
And he’s strapped to the chair
You hear his flesh sizzling
You smell the singed hair
Then you realize you’re dreaming
And it’s you who’s bound there

Decipher the encryption
Hateful Eros has sent
Spinning straw into gold
Is time far better spent
Empty shell of clawed cancer
All broken and bent
A thousand swords beat desire
Yet they left not one dent

Lover's Spat

2005-09-14T23:44:41Z

Take what you need

And I will give

As good as I get

You can dish it out

But I won’t take it

Not while you’re howling

And clawing at the moon

To draw the lunatic blood

Down from the sky

Would require a blade

Sharper than your tongue

Which speaks slick innuendo

Until you no longer know me

And scraping the barrel

Of my impatience

Strains the razor wire

That binds us here

Nothing Better

2005-09-14T23:42:57Z

Mind over matter
A shotgun head splatter
My insecurities grow fatter
For I keep them well fed
And they fill me with dread
Like a corpse in your bed
Beat me shitless
Or fuck me witless
Please leave me with this
You kick start the beast
I lay down the feast
Turn your face to the east
You’ll see just how this started
With our dearly departed
Queen of the fainthearted
Your teeth marked my dream
Shedding tears of the obscene
We won’t let them be seen
I will guard them well
I’ll see you in hell
Not one soul will I tell

Misderected Affection

2005-09-14T23:40:59Z

I’ll drop what names I feel are right
To get inside your head
I will, I won’t, I maybe might
I wish that I were dead

The demon Want, he follows me
I know his face so well
His skin it reeks of sour milk
So sickly sweet a smell

I seek your razor clear sky eyes
I miss your thieving hands
Your voice I cannot recognize
This ache I cannot stand

I wrap myself in velvet chains
I swallow broken glass
There’s much to lose, just you to gain
I wait for this to pass

The wind it sings a hallow wail
Drowns out my bitter thoughts
A carbonated dream for sale
I’ve earned all that I’ve bought

To be with you for a thousand years and never be in love

2005-01-25T00:37:55Z

The room grows dark
And I am lit by neon spires
Their florescence burns my mind
'Till it is sterile
My eyes are raw
And my pupils are bleached glass
Where once my dreams
Lay soft like snow across them
There is nothing here to see

Flat liner

2005-01-25T00:37:26Z

Oh luminous soul
Your light is waning
I can see in your eyes
The stream by which
The willow weeps

And he bends you
Like the wind
While you keep him
Like a secret
And you twist
And your branches dip
Below the water line

And he has taken your heart
And burnt it
'Till it smoldered
And out of the ashes
Your forsaken whispers
Still console him

Sweet strawberry eyes
I fear we've lost you
On the inverted screen
Your hope is flat lining

The king's own fool

2005-01-25T00:36:37Z

I want my eyes to rupture
And burst open with blood
I run my fingers down the fractures
In the windshield of reality
And I miss you
Looking out through the bars
Of my ribcage
I feel like such a failure
My mouth filled with rusty nails
This semblance of life
So far off course
You see, I tell no lies
I simply sew my lips
And write riddles in the sand
After a while
I will close my eyes
And lay down to wait
For the tide

I believe in

2005-01-01T07:54:55Z

Care to dare dead mans curve?
You sure have got nerve
You've so much potential
You've caused so much harm
No cause for alarm
You're approaching escape velocity
You beautiful monstrosity
Playing Russian Roulette
You'll soon forget
All others
Faceless angel thing
She wraps you in her wings
And grants blessed amnesia

Erotica for Jonathan

2004-11-30T00:29:00Z

She sinks her teeth into his shoulder
& cries out in agony

Clenching fists around bright slivers of glass

“You wrap like vines around me” she says “I am shaken
To my core”

You call me water color I call you
To the graveyard

Give her the moon, Gold Midas death,
He will

Touch her breasts and you will know the glory of utter desolation
It will fill you with wonder
And you will weep in dispair

He fills her mouth with his kiss
She spits silver razors
He whispers
“You are so beautiful”